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Notes on Coercive Control From Articles on the Internet

  (See the article citations at the bottom.) 1. Examples can include telling a child to leave, or worse, to get out of your face; calling him names; telling the child that he is worthless; making a child the family scapegoat; or blaming him for family/sibling problems. Refusing to talk to or hold a young child as he grows can also be considered abusive behavior. harsh criticism, belittling, labeling name-calling yelling, screaming or swearing at children humiliation or demeaning jokes teasing about a child's mental capabilities or physical appearance refusing love, attention and touch physical or emotional abandonment shunning the child from the family altogether kicking teens out of the home locking kids out of the home to discipline or punish 2. Ignoring Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide positive nurturing. They may show no...
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Be On Guard to Listen First or How to Cope With Toxic People

Sometimes even when we know what to do, we don’t know what to do in the moment. I met a toxic person recently in a place where I thought I’d meet kind people — a progressive Christian group. It is the type of Christian group populated with kind-hearted, highly educated people with high incomes who are generous in helping people who appear to need money, but that’s another story. After church services, people prepare snacks, including fresh fruit and raw, unsalted nuts, cookies or brownies, and coffee and tea. People sit at tables with chairs, which is probably pretty normal for most churches. After services, I gathered with others to set up tables and chairs for people to gather and chat while they ate their snacks. I ended up sitting across from one of my favorite attendees—an older man who served time in prison after bombing a military recruitment center in the 1960s. He was serving a life term in prison when he realized he had used violence to protest against violence and tha...
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