The Family Mental Health and Child Custody Act

The Family Mental Health and Child Custody Act

My Story or Why I Composed this Petition

My name is Virginia. I endured generational child sex abuse trauma as a child and struggled with depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety for decades. I was a good student and graduated from college to become a wildlife and fisheries biologist, which improved my self-esteem. Permanent jobs in wildlife and fisheries eluded me, so I returned to college to become a Registered Nurse. My favorite job was as a psychiatric nurse. I married, had children, divorced, and then endured an 8-year child custody battle. I won the battle by obtaining court orders for specialized therapists to work with my family. I followed their advice, and they testified on my behalf in court, so the judge who presided over the custody battle awarded me 90% of my attorney’s fees. Then I realized I no longer suffered from depression or anxiety.

During the long years of that custody battle, I taught survivors of child sex abuse and domestic violence listening skills so they could support each other. Some of these survivors lost their children to co-parents who abused them. They could not afford therapy or lawyers. We need child custody laws that include provisions for teaching parents mental health and communication skills, and require parents to document their use of these skills by communicating through a parenting app or email. This may cost the government more money initially, but within 15 years, societal costs related to children growing up in chaotic or abusive divorced or separated families will begin to decrease.

The Petition

Before marriage or the birth of the first child, and again during separation and divorce, the State of Oregon shall provide and require parents to take mental health and communication classes, including:

Nonviolent Communication
Listening skills
Mindfulness, or similar secular or religious practices in accordance with a family's spiritual beliefs, provided that the practices have been scientifically documented to heal trauma the way mindfulness does. These practices include Christian centering prayer, yoga, hiking in nature, Buddhist meditation, and Native American religious ceremonies, including sacred dancing and sweat lodge ceremonies.
Journaling, which can, over time, both heal trauma and document it. Journaling can be challenging for a traumatized person, but it both documents conflict and trauma and helps to heal trauma.
If parents are still struggling with their communication and mental health, they can be required to go through a complete series of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) modules, including Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness.

2. After separation or if unmarried parents live separately, parents shall communicate by parenting app or email so that social workers, therapists, lawyers, and judges can examine the contents of these communications. The purpose is to document how parents treat each other and their children.

3. Child custody splits will not be 50/50 unless both parents agree. The parent who demonstrates healthier communication and relationship skills in their correspondence with their co-parent will be awarded more custodial time with the family’s children.

4. If parents are struggling to co-parent, a social worker will examine their communications for indications of their mental health and how they treat both each other and their children, and make recommendations to a judge. The more cooperative and mentally healthy parent may be given more time with their children. Child support will be adjusted and awarded accordingly.

5. If problems between parents arise, parents will be required to take more communication and mental health classes.

6. This proposal is not meant to be the end-all and be-all solution forever. The results of this proposal should be evaluated and, if necessary, rewritten every 5 years. This proposal is meant to be the beginning of a new way to handle child custody battles, focused on family mental health instead of courtroom battles between parents with or without lawyers. Court cases may still take place in abusive or contested situations.

Petition for this law: