The Garden of Roses: Stories of Abuse and Healing

“The system is abusive,” the homeless man told me as he shared his story with me.               This was many years ago that he shared his story with me, many years ago when I was young and living in Seattle. He told me what it was like staying in a shelter -- how lights went out at 10 PM or 11 PM and how you had to be up and out by 7 AM.  How you couldn’t drink or use drugs in the shelter. I understood those rules.  Many homeless people use drugs and alcohol, but drug use is a coping strategy that harms the user.  I also understood the shelter hours.  Shelter is provided but you really don’t want people to become dependent; you want them to move forward and onward. But as I worked with abuse survivors, I heard more details as to why these seemingly sensible rules don’t work.  The survivor who felt loved only by his dog could not go to a shelter because he could not take his dog.  The homeless female su...

In 2007, inspired by several survivors of Catholic clergy abuse I constructed a survey of survivor wants of needs related to healing.  I received some positive support from survivors and advocates and an instructor of Social Work from PSU.  I approached SNAP, therapists, the instructor of Social Work,, the media, and several clergy abuse lawyers but received little help in distributing and publicizing the survey.  I had previously approached three Victim Assistants who worked for the Catholic Church and was essentially told to let professionals handle this.  I attempted to work with the local Voice of the Fruitful and was told that I was too angry and hurt and drove people away. I was hurt and angry.  I was baptized Catholic along with my young children in 2001.  After baptizing me, he proceeded to groom me and my 5 year old son although I have to stress that nothing bad ever happened.  My son sat on the priests lap for almost 2 hours one time, bu...

Into the Abyss; A Survivor Struggles With Romance and Relationships I've been going through a prolonged family crisis and have not posted recently.  Life is too difficult and too demanding.  I keep trying to do my work and trying to care my children.  I don't have time for much else, but I decided to share some poems I wrote some years ago about old boyfriends. I was sexually abused at age four.  As a survivor, I was used to painful relationships, and I kept repeating the pattern, one variation or another, over and over.  Until I could afford more effective therapy, diaries and poetry were my therapy.  The pages of my notebooks listened patiently to what others tired of hearing -- the weepy sadness over loves lost.  I haven't figured out this part of my life yet.  I think my life needs to be easier before I can date again.  The easiest response is to retreat altogether.  I've retreated in part because alone is easier, but also becau...